Never trust a big butt and smile.

Dear Mr. Fritz,

2011-08-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

I adore you, my love.

Cin

P.S. Let's get naked and get under the sheets.

She Bangs! She Bangs!

2011-08-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

I have yet to perfect the rockabilly bang. However, I do have a great fugu face!

Tramptastic!

2011-08-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

Find your inner Wanda-ness.

Bucci Goat

2011-08-03T20:28:00.000-07:00

So I look over at little Omax and he's staring Tristan down with this freaky arse clenched look- like his face is about to explode. I'm talkin' like beet red with his eyes nearly popping out. So I ask him what on earth he is doing and he says to me, "I'm blowing up Tristan with my mind, mom!"

Anywho, you may want to steer clear of Omax. And his mind bullets.

Words of Wisdom

2011-08-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

"Don't wash your body with that super refreshing shampoo unless you want to go to school with a minty wiener." Sir Tristan

knucklehead

2011-07-30T17:32:00.000-07:00

According to Tristan, having to pick up the dog poop is giving him "the black lung."

Goo!

2011-07-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

Tristan: Hey mom, you want a massage?

Me: Um... sure?

Tristan: How about some aroma therapy to go with it?

Me: Huh?

And of course he breaks wind in my general direction.

Darth Tristan

2011-07-20T18:59:00.000-07:00

At the post office…

Mailman: You like soccer son?
Tristan: Nope. Hockey is a real man’s sport.
Mailman: Hockey, huh? In Arizona? Hah. Good luck with that, bud.
Tristan: I like the sarcasm, however I find your lack of faith disturbing.

dude

2011-07-15T12:57:00.001-07:00

Relax. Go Nuts!

Jedi Master Tristan

2011-07-07T01:34:00.000-07:00

I think it's strange how Costco employees assault your groceries before you leave the store. There is one guy in particular who takes his cart cavity searches seriously. Yeah, I always seem to get this guy. We call him Chester the Bulk Goods Molester.

So today, I was super stoked to see him, guarding the exit doors, highlighter locked and loaded, eyeballing my produce. Just as he was about to take the receipt from Owen, Tristan walks right on up to him, waves his hand in front of him and says, "These are not the droids you are looking for."

Chester gave him a high five. And I almost died. Laughing.

genius

2011-07-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

You know what made my incredibly chaotic day yesterday? This kid.

Tristan: Hey mom, you know what rhymes with genius? Penyis.

phew

2011-07-04T22:38:00.000-07:00

Finally, I'm starting to feel like me again.

Today

2011-07-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

All I have to say about today is... Jon Bon Jovi. Wait, more like Jon BOMB Jovi!

sayonara

2011-07-02T13:25:00.000-07:00

Don't phuk with my Feng Shui!

Today is about cleaning out all of the things that I don't need, and creating an environment for the things I do.

Dangit, I heart my nutso kids!

2011-06-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

Random thangs said today...

(before clearing out the room with a horrendous air biscuit)

Tristan: FIRE IN THE HOLE!

(afterward)

Tristan: Ah man, that was GROSS. MEDIC!!!

(trying to get him to do his reading for the day)

Owen: But I just can't read today.

Me: Give me one good reason why you absolutely cannot do your homework today.

Owen: Um... cause I too sexy for my homework.

(responding to Owen taking her My Little Pony)

Leila: Give it back, Ow-en!

Owen: Nope. Make me.

Leila: Pleeaase Ow-en.

Owen: Whacha gonna do?

Leila: I poop in your pocket!

Owen: Ewwww. Here. Take it.

New Sofas

2011-06-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

I need new sofas. Every single time I go to Ikea, I drool over these Karlstad sofa combinations. I would go with the medium gray color on top.

My problem is that I just get sick of looking at the same old stuff all the time. Luckily enough, I found a company who makes slipcovers specifically for Ikea furniture. Bemz designs a ton of fun prints and fabrics to give new life to Ikea sofas and chairs. The Classic Ruta - Black (or simply checkered) slipcover is SO Jay and I. I was excited to find that they did have Houndstooth, but in Dusty Rose. Gross.

Time to save our pennies!

i HEART houndstooth

2011-06-28T11:20:00.000-07:00

I bought these ridiculously adorable Sally Hansen houndstooth nail polish strips. I wanted them for my toes because I work with my hands all day and they would get trashed in like 2.2 seconds, so I never bother. The problem is that my little toes have little toe nails and it looked sort of silly. So, I decided to rock the houndstooth big toe style. And yes, I know I have crazy long, alien toes.

Tainted Love

2011-06-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

I listen to Pandora 80's Pop Radio all day long. So I was grooving out to "Tainted Love" right? Tristan walks up to me with a smart-arse smirk on his face and asks, "Hey mom, what does the taint have to do with love anyway?"

Word of the Day

2011-06-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

Vagina-Boob

(fighting over storm troopers)

Tristan: Owen, don't make me punch you in the neck!

Owen: I'll punch you in the vagina-boob!

And the award for Most Creative Threat goes to... Omax!

Thankful

2010-11-25T23:21:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for coffee, freedom, simplicity, color, adrenaline, curiosity, meditation, progress, and all of the brilliantly lovely people in my life. I am thankful for positivity and kindness. I am thankful to know that happiness is a choice, and it’s a choice I make (almost) every day.

“It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” ~Lucille Ball

I am thankful that I am able to teach my children to be respectful, open-minded and nonjudgmental. Nothing would make me more proud than to raise grateful, confident, caring and accepting adults who are able to form their own opinions and have their own perspective on life.

“All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.”
~James Thurber

I’m thankful for reflection and growth. So far this year, I have learned the value of questioning all things stagnant or repetitively and destructively painful in my life. I’ve discovered creative ways of changing or coping that are outside the box of what my mind normally looks for.

“Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be.” ~Robert Brault

Dude. Let your curiosity be your guide. Have the courage to go against the grain. And, tell all them haters to EAD!

Shabba!

Tristan

2010-06-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

Gramma: Tristan, do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

Tristan: I don't know...maybe like a Ninja Pirate or Mad Scientist or something...
Gramma: What in the world is a Ninja Pirate?
Tristan: Um, you know, like a dude that practices ninjutsu across the seven seas.

This guy.

2010-06-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

Grody dude at store: Wooow. You have gorgeous feet. I have a thing for perfect toes. And Asian women.

Me: Then you should become a Podiatrist and move to Asia.
Grody dude at store: Hah. Actually, I teach 2nd grade.
Me: Greeeeeaaaaaat.

Guess I should have gotten the name of the school who hired this douche.

I've been thinking about how funny it is that I don't let anyone but family watch my kids. However, I let a complete stranger teach and discipline them for 6 hours, 5 days a week. Does this make any sense?

You just never know, you know? People are weird. And maybe the only reason this bothers me so much is because I know how weird I am myself. Or, maybe it's because of people like grody foot douche...

Honestly, Honesty.

2010-06-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

I was positive I knew who I was. I was sure that I made peace with myself; 29 was a great year of self discovery.

For some reason, now, I don't know what?

The only things I know for sure are...

I am married to amazement himself.

My kids are beyond incredible.

My dad is the definition of charity and ambition.

Music, Food & Books are my refuge (currently working to eliminate food).

There is a hole in my heart (figuratively speaking).

Maybe I'm just a lost soul searching for meaning in a senseless world. Maybe I'm a crazy woman in the middle of something that I just don't understand.

save me from them

2010-06-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

I am not a partier. I cannot hold my liquor to save my life and, as a matter of fact, I'm convinced that I'm allergic to the schtuff.

Seriously, for the love of wenis... Night clubs are my Nightmare!!!

I would much rather be surrounded by good people and good conversation. Coffee and talk. Wine and wit. Am I the only one? Dude, I need new friends. Pronto.

dearsome threesome

2010-03-15T13:42:00.001-07:00

Man am I proud to be the mommy of the three most AWESOME kids evar!!! They are my world and I just ADORE them.

Handsome, Wise, and Brilliantly Witty Tristan

Spontaneous, CRAZY, and Adorably Bright Omax

Gorgeous, Sassy, yet Snuggly Little Leilei

Tenacious T

2010-02-21T11:01:00.000-08:00

Tristan is 7and ridiculously HILARIOUS...

Tristan's Classmate: Hey Tristan, check out my new skateboard.
Tristan: Yeah, that's cool but I got a new scooter for Christmas.
Tristan's Classmate: Scooters are for little girls!
Tristan: That's why your dad has one.
Tristan's Classmate: That doesn't make any sense.

Tristan decided to hold the door open for an elderly lady at the store...

Elderly Lady: Why thank you, kind sir.
Tristan: No problem toots!

Talking to one of my friends...

My girlfirend: Tristan, how'd you get to be so smart?
Tristan: I don't know.
My girlfriend: And handsome? And deep? And so cool?
Tristan: Well, isn't this some chicken soup for my soul?

Asking him where he wanted to go for family vacation...

Jay: Tristan, how about the San Diego Zoo?
Tristan: How about not?
Jay: I'm sure they have a petting zoo and everything.
Tristan: Dad, I don't pet anything that smells like butt.

All I have to say is...Tristan is DOPE!

Cheers to 2010

2010-01-02T00:45:00.000-08:00

Dear 2010,

Since you are going to be around for the next 364 days, I wanted to formally greet you. FYI, your counterpart, 2009, promised to be a stellar one, but it lacked the follow through. So, bend over, 2010, I’m going to rock you like Tony Danza, because I will be your boss.

I thought I would let you in on some tips for our journey together.

*Bring on the exercise. Seriously. Not only does it feel oh-so good but it always puts me in an amazing mood. Though our schedule is hectic, we will make time to unearth that thin girl we once knew.

*Let’s make this a year of living thriftily. This means money needs to be SAVED not SPENT. I give you permission to kick my arse if I begin to forget this little goal we’re setting. Starting AFTER my 30th birthday!!!

*We are going to learn to schedule our time. Whatever that means. But, we will figure out what that is, and do it.

*The house will be clean. Not just when we’re having company, but at all times. This will be the BIGGEST chore of them all (especially with typhoon Omax).

*Lose the Losers. I’ve got no time for people who are insincere and fake. This seems like a good year to pick the weeds.

*Our family WILL be going on vacation this year. I don’t care where we go as long as it is away from here. We are overdue for an adventure of epic proportions. Watch out (anywhere), here we come!

*Sewing. I so want to be a phenomenal seamstress and make all the wonderfully fun things I create in my head. So, bernette 46, you and I are going to be close friends.

*Jay and I are going to spend more time together ALONE. He is my everything and I will make sure to take the time to show him that. Quality time. Not just boom chicka wah-wahing, fool. But that too.

*Aerosmith Hohner Honkin on Bobo Harmonica, it’s on! I have the most beautiful harmonica and it sits on my dresser. I love, love, love the harmonica and have an undying urge to play the blues. Oh, and we will.

Farewell, 2009. You were a year of many lessons.

CHEERS to 2010! I know we can do it!!!

Love,

Rev Cindawg

Cindawg Schmarts

2009-12-17T15:36:00.000-08:00

This year I think I've finally discovered who I am- and she's pretty damn COOL if you ask me! I've also learned that life is what you make it. So, Just Do It. Nike.

Here is a RANDOM list of things I've learned this year:

* Loyalty is hard to find
* Always trust your instincts- especially when it comes to people
* Purple Kool-Aid makes you shit green
* I don’t need anyone’s approval but mine
* I secretly want to be a merkin model
* I cannot stand the sight of open cabinet doors
* Jay truly is my Soul Mate
* Simply trying is half the battle
* Human Nature
* Gratitude, Humility & Forgiveness
* Let it Be
* Flavor is the sweetest thing in life
* Attitude is everything
* Music is my refuge
* Stay Foolish

And, here are two of my favorite quotes by two of my favorite people…

I'd rather be the king of kids, than the prince of fools.
~Jack Black

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

this chick.

2009-12-14T12:38:00.000-08:00

Dude lady, if you talk about your own family that way, I can only imagine how you talk about me. I'm going to file you in the "don't trust you as far as I can throw you" folder as you are NOT my kinda peeps.

You've been schooled by TENACIOUS T

2009-12-11T11:02:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty quick witted and often amaze myself even but Tristan is by far quicker than I. So, I've decided to start sharing all of his sarcastically AWESOME, yet sometimes out-there dialogues. I like to call them Tristan-isms. Here is his most recent episode:

Wal-Mart Lady: What beautiful kids you have.
Me: Thank you.
Wal-Mart Lady: 3 boys, huh?
Tristan: No. One girl.
Wal-Mart Lady: Oh! She looks so much like you two.
Tristan: Yeah well, she has a vagina.

While I know most mothers would be appalled, I applaud his far-out ability to say what's on his mind. He always sticks up for the underdog, is hilarious, oh-so handsome, brilliant, and definitely has an older soul than mine. Tristan BLOWS MY MIND!!!

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. WORD.

And speaking of private parts, I would think probably the worst thing about having King Kong go rampant in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.

Moshi Moshi

2009-12-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

Cheers to the CHAOS that is me and my foul-mouthed family of five. I'm convinced that I am Ol' Dirty Bastard stuck in a woman's body. So, if you think you can handle my Andrew Dice Clayness and often obscenely bizarre-o adventures, WELCOME!

Let me officially start this blog by saying.....PENIS! Did I forget to mention that I have Intentional Tourette's?