Dear Mr. Fritz,

I adore you, my love.

Cin

P.S. Let's get naked and get under the sheets.

She Bangs! She Bangs!

I have yet to perfect the rockabilly bang. However, I do have a great fugu face!

Tramptastic!

Find your inner Wanda-ness.

Bucci Goat

So I look over at little Omax and he's staring Tristan down with this freaky arse clenched look- like his face is about to explode. I'm talkin' like beet red with his eyes nearly popping out. So I ask him what on earth he is doing and he says to me, "I'm blowing up Tristan with my mind, mom!"

Anywho, you may want to steer clear of Omax. And his mind bullets.

Words of Wisdom

"Don't wash your body with that super refreshing shampoo unless you want to go to school with a minty wiener." Sir Tristan

knucklehead

According to Tristan, having to pick up the dog poop is giving him "the black lung."

Goo!

Tristan: Hey mom, you want a massage?

Me: Um... sure?

Tristan: How about some aroma therapy to go with it?

Me: Huh?

And of course he breaks wind in my general direction.

Darth Tristan

At the post office…

Mailman: You like soccer son?
Tristan: Nope. Hockey is a real man’s sport.
Mailman: Hockey, huh? In Arizona? Hah. Good luck with that, bud.
Tristan: I like the sarcasm, however I find your lack of faith disturbing.

dude

Relax. Go Nuts!

Jedi Master Tristan

I think it's strange how Costco employees assault your groceries before you leave the store. There is one guy in particular who takes his cart cavity searches seriously. Yeah, I always seem to get this guy. We call him Chester the Bulk Goods Molester.

So today, I was super stoked to see him, guarding the exit doors, highlighter locked and loaded, eyeballing my produce. Just as he was about to take the receipt from Owen, Tristan walks right on up to him, waves his hand in front of him and says, "These are not the droids you are looking for."

Chester gave him a high five. And I almost died. Laughing.

genius

You know what made my incredibly chaotic day yesterday? This kid.

Tristan: Hey mom, you know what rhymes with genius? Penyis.

phew

Finally, I'm starting to feel like me again.

Today

All I have to say about today is... Jon Bon Jovi. Wait, more like Jon BOMB Jovi!

sayonara

Don't phuk with my Feng Shui!

Today is about cleaning out all of the things that I don't need, and creating an environment for the things I do.

Dangit, I heart my nutso kids!

Random thangs said today...

(before clearing out the room with a horrendous air biscuit)

Tristan: FIRE IN THE HOLE!

(afterward)

Tristan: Ah man, that was GROSS. MEDIC!!!

(trying to get him to do his reading for the day)

Owen: But I just can't read today.

Me: Give me one good reason why you absolutely cannot do your homework today.

Owen: Um... cause I too sexy for my homework.

(responding to Owen taking her My Little Pony)

Leila: Give it back, Ow-en!

Owen: Nope. Make me.

Leila: Pleeaase Ow-en.

Owen: Whacha gonna do?

Leila: I poop in your pocket!

Owen: Ewwww. Here. Take it.

New Sofas

I need new sofas. Every single time I go to Ikea, I drool over these Karlstad sofa combinations. I would go with the medium gray color on top.

My problem is that I just get sick of looking at the same old stuff all the time. Luckily enough, I found a company who makes slipcovers specifically for Ikea furniture. Bemz designs a ton of fun prints and fabrics to give new life to Ikea sofas and chairs. The Classic Ruta - Black (or simply checkered) slipcover is SO Jay and I. I was excited to find that they did have Houndstooth, but in Dusty Rose. Gross.

Time to save our pennies!

i HEART houndstooth

I bought these ridiculously adorable Sally Hansen houndstooth nail polish strips. I wanted them for my toes because I work with my hands all day and they would get trashed in like 2.2 seconds, so I never bother. The problem is that my little toes have little toe nails and it looked sort of silly. So, I decided to rock the houndstooth big toe style. And yes, I know I have crazy long, alien toes.

Tainted Love

I listen to Pandora 80's Pop Radio all day long. So I was grooving out to "Tainted Love" right? Tristan walks up to me with a smart-arse smirk on his face and asks, "Hey mom, what does the taint have to do with love anyway?"

Word of the Day

Vagina-Boob

(fighting over storm troopers)

Tristan: Owen, don't make me punch you in the neck!

Owen: I'll punch you in the vagina-boob!

And the award for Most Creative Threat goes to... Omax!