knucklehead

According to Tristan, having to pick up the dog poop is giving him "the black lung."

Goo!

Tristan: Hey mom, you want a massage?

Me: Um... sure?

Tristan: How about some aroma therapy to go with it?

Me: Huh?

And of course he breaks wind in my general direction.

Darth Tristan

At the post office…

Mailman: You like soccer son?
Tristan: Nope. Hockey is a real man’s sport.
Mailman: Hockey, huh? In Arizona? Hah. Good luck with that, bud.
Tristan: I like the sarcasm, however I find your lack of faith disturbing.

dude

Relax. Go Nuts!

Jedi Master Tristan

I think it's strange how Costco employees assault your groceries before you leave the store. There is one guy in particular who takes his cart cavity searches seriously. Yeah, I always seem to get this guy. We call him Chester the Bulk Goods Molester.

So today, I was super stoked to see him, guarding the exit doors, highlighter locked and loaded, eyeballing my produce. Just as he was about to take the receipt from Owen, Tristan walks right on up to him, waves his hand in front of him and says, "These are not the droids you are looking for."

Chester gave him a high five. And I almost died. Laughing.

genius

You know what made my incredibly chaotic day yesterday? This kid.

Tristan: Hey mom, you know what rhymes with genius? Penyis.

phew

Finally, I'm starting to feel like me again.

Today

All I have to say about today is... Jon Bon Jovi. Wait, more like Jon BOMB Jovi!

sayonara

Don't phuk with my Feng Shui!

Today is about cleaning out all of the things that I don't need, and creating an environment for the things I do.